Since this blog was originally created as some sort of accountability to my 30-lb goal, you would think I might actually post about that now and then. I think it's pretty correlative... my commitment to this goal and my public honesty about it (guilty conscience much?). Which I guess says a lot about where I stand.
Jill over at Lost and Not Found has beat me to the punch on this one, posting about her failings and being all honest about it.... and seeing as it's 2am right now, I'm feeling pretty honest.
Some days, I feel vaguely on track. I have my standard breakfast, work snacks & lunch, and dinner. Maybe a mini candy bar or two while at work. Maybe a late-evening goat cheese and cracker break (no more than 2oz cheese and one serving of triscuits). Ok, so that's not so bad, right? But then we get to those non-standard days, when I have a work luncheon or I'm not going home for dinner and didn't pack a pre-planned meal or we're out and about or it's just a weekend and I'm off my routine. That's when the fast food stops (ugh, you would think with my concern about food sources that I would at least avoid all that crap that is called food) and the boredom/emotional eating and the I'm-too-busy-to-grocery-shop-and-keep-healthy-choices-in-the-house comes in. And then I'm not doing quite so well.
And I know a few things that will help, and I'm going to start trying them. Because I don't want to whine (or at least, I am done whining for the moment), I want to fix.
First, I gotta start trying to beat myself up when I do something wrong. Rewards are better then scolds. One of my favorite guilty pleasures in the world is a good book, and I haven't bought one for myself in far too long. Hell, even gotten one from the library. So... books are my new rewards. I even have a B&N giftcard burning a hole in my wallet! And I have access to a Kindle, so that's a cheap(er) way of reading new books. Of course, a reward has to mean measurable progress of some sort. Which leads to...
Second, I need more concrete feedback. And the only way I'm going to get that is from the scale. So as soon as I can muster some courage, I'm hopping on. Better or for worse.
Third, I know I know how to make good choices. Sometimes it's about drinking 8oz of cold water to soothe a tummy that claims to be hungry. Sometimes it's about taking 2 minutes of hunger (even tho I feel like a rattlesnake about to strike the nearest food source) to check 1) that I'm really hungry and 2) what good choice I can make.
Yesterday, to counteract my overeating on Tuesday, I made an effort to make my meal choices a bit lighter and instead drank a ton of cold water. I still caved on a cheese/crackers evening snack, but considering the rest of the day only had about 1100 calories, I feel ok about that. Not great, but ok. But that was a typical on-routine day. Tuesday was a work luncheon and having guests over for my oh-so-yummy dinner (porkapalooza, which is as awesome and unhealthy as it sounds).
I guess my goals for the week are to ensure I have healthy choices on hand (ie, grocery run tonight or at lunch, no matter what), to begin my 2-minutes of hunger practice (even on my standard healthy choices, just to get in the habit), and to get the courage to jump on the scale. And oh won't that be a fun post, cuz I really feel gross lately.
I also wanted feedback about the ab workouts, cuz I am not feeling the progress on that. Nor any ab pain. I crunch (forward and sides), I do the 100s, I do that balance-on-your-butt thing that makes me shake, I do scissors legs and other leg movements that I can really feel throughout my abs. And yet no ab muscle soreness afterwards and flab flab flab. Very frustrating!!
How do you find personal accountability in the world? Am I the only lazy bastard without willpower to do something for the sake of the accomplishment?
ps. I hate 2am.