It has been quite a few weeks of changes and choices and priorities. They all bring to mind the ever-following baggage in our lives - those things that seem to be quite important to us, but on close examination are completely irrelevant to the issue at hand.
So today's lesson I am supposed to be learning is Letting Go. As I face all these challenges, beginning to panic and doubt and bemoan it all, it becomes easier to let the baggage in and crowd the conversation. Excuses, all of them. I am a hoarder of my emotional investments, clinging to the idea that one more moment here is more important than my growth. Wraithraider aptly pointed this out to me today, and I'm grateful for the perspective.
Moving on is hard. We have invested our hearts and souls and time and tears and blood. A piece of our self has been left. Why wouldn't we want to take it all with us? Take it into the next relationship, the next step in our personal growth, in our career path, a new home, the next great adventure with everything we own on our backs...
I have a dear friend who over-packed for her time away from home. Seriously over-packed. Knowing full well that half of what she brings could be fully provided her - or obtained if the need arose - she still insisted on bringing umbrellas and blow dryers and curling irons and twice as many shirts as necessary (just in case... as if we don't have a laundry room...). She brought pillows and empty bags and hangers and alarm clocks and jewelry boxes and first aid supplies. She came with apologies about the four suitcases, and was endearing in her desire to be unobtrusive in her needs. She also realized that she was an over-packer, but said she couldn't help it.
I asked her to try something. After that particular visit, she was to go home and, as she unpacked, she should set aside every item that she brought and did not use. And then as she put those items away, think about how she could have managed if she hadn't brought it. She and I spoke about it later, and she seemed to enjoy the exercise. And for her next visit, there were only three suitcases.
I took my own advice, and managed to survive three months abroad with just one duffel bag and one backpack.
However, I am decidedly not using that advice this week. I'm clinging to the past like a bad prom date - as if the pieces and bits and heart and tears I've spent will turn to dust if I walk away; as if it would be the end of the world if they did.
My end is someone else's beginning, and what I take forward is lesson.
*deep breath* Walking away now...
Have something you need to let go of? Hold my hand and we'll help each other along...