Friday, February 4, 2011

that other big ch- word

chap-stick? no...

chimera? no...

oh yeah, change.

It's funny how capable I always think I am of handling it. I see it coming and try to flow through it rather than bracing myself for the impact. I tell others just how fine everything is going to be. I recall all the changes that I've gone through myself, and see how life has managed to move on.

And then I cry. A lot.

I cried for part of the long ride home tonight. Just after a long hug and a fond farewell to Awesome Boss Lady (yes, you have your own moniker now :). She's moving on to bigger and better things for herself, having left our team better for it. And our company for that matter.

When I found out, it was all "OK! We can do this! I'm happy for her and we will all survive the transition! Yay change is hard but good!" But by the time this week rolled around, it was harder and harder to face the fact that such an integral part of our daily lives was going to be gone. I panicked, slightly. Maybe a bit more than slightly.

That's the thing about change, at least for me. No matter how hard I try to prepare myself, it always seems to slap me around.

Two months ago, the biggest little change in the world happened to me. One of those non-moments that will - quite literally - forever change me and my world. It's upended every priority, every notion of self I had. Not in a bad way, but that's the thing about change... it doesn't have to be bad to still be hard.

Which only makes life more tumultuous these days. I face a multitude of changes, choices, and life-altering happenstances that need to be addressed, well, now. Even if the choice is to put off the choice, or the change is to not change. They are all clawing at the back of my brain. And even though I saw them coming many months ago and tried to prepare myself, this big non-event has altered how I look at everything.

So what now? I'll try to sort out my head through the weekend, walk into work on Monday and maybe feel a little anxiety about it and just plow through. And in another few weeks, another version of normal will be, well, normal.

Face it. Plan ahead. Panic slightly. CRY. Panic slightly. Move on.

What about you? How do you handle change?

Much Love,
Able-Bodied Girl

ps. i refuse to do the cliched "ch-ch-ch changes" thing

pps. crap, i just did.


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