Showing posts with label facing change. Show all posts
Showing posts with label facing change. Show all posts

Sunday, September 16, 2012

new horizons, new toothpaste

I abandoned you this summer, dear blog, didn't I?

Rather than being too busy to think, I've had plenty on my mind and plenty to say. Plenty of moments, lost in thoughts, lost in concerns, lost and looking for an outlet. Alas, it hasn't really been fit for public consumption. Rightly so.

Anyway, it is time for some items of note to be published...
I have moved. I, alone. Without Able-Bodied Boy, my friend, my roommate, my love for many years. I will not go into any of that personal stuff here, but we remain good friends.
I have moved. Out of the middle of nowhere and into the Land Near Work. A Land where I can bike to work and walk Bella through neighborhoods.

A Land where chickens do not roam. Able-Bodied Boy will retain care and consumption of eggs. And even has plans to add to the flock! I'm so excited to see that project flourish and continue on :)
What an adventure, eh? Will I try a garden on my little porch (would it even survive a shady north face -- it's south-facing but I'm still not sure I can make anything grow)? How will Bella react to the new surroundings, poor stressed creature?  What frugal and healthy foods will I cook for myself? How will I handle this new 3-mile biking commute? Will I finally lose that weight, through long walks with Bella? How will I adjust to life on my own?

In other excitement (ok, only I find this exciting...), I have switched to baking soda for toothpaste! A simple mix of baking soda and hydrogen peroxide and peppermint oil. It took a bit of getting used to, but I'm diggin' it! Next up, deodorant :) I'll post more on all that later!

Ok, back to serious matters... Thank to all of you who have been so supportive during this transition. (to the apartment, not to baking soda toothpaste. i doubt anyone really noticed that....)  Some things just can't be done without friends and family and well-connected coworkers. Phone calls. Emails. Muscles lifting boxes. Knowing a guy. Shoulders to cry on. Encouragement as life transitions to new things. Toaster ovens. (it's important to have toast!) These are the things that futures are made of....



Will you tell me about the little things in your life? I've seem to run out.

Much Love,
Able-Bodied Girl


  

Saturday, March 17, 2012

r.i.p. mac

Mac succumbed to her wounds last night.







You were a great layer of huge eggs, a beautiful Barred Rock, a true friend to Ginger, and a brave brave girl. May your next life be surrounded by clover pastures and a feast of meal worms. RIP friend.
  



Sadly,
Able-Bodied Girl


  

Sunday, January 1, 2012

happy. new. year.

Well, I finally have time to post, seeing as I stuck in the hospital, recovering from an apondectomy on New Years Eve.

Anyway, stellar end to 2011, here in a hospital bed at 4:30am. The thing is though, I'm not sad or upset about it. Granted, it was a little hard sending Able-Bodied Boy off to the big party of friends (I told him to), but overall, I'm happy, and it has been a great year.

2010 was the suck of suck. I won't explain why, but I have alluded to big changes that took place that made me believe that 2011 would be great, and it has been. In a lot of way, but mainly it's been great in my head, heart, and spirit. My level of gratitude on an immediate basis has gone skyhigh, and it's been lovely to watch my personal growth this year, mostly in my headspace.

With your encouragement, I blogged. It helped me expend creative juices, reviving my love of creative writing. It also gave me an outlet to express and codify and clarify many of the beliefs I have about motivation, choices, and our relationships with our selves, loved ones, and world around us. That has been huge for me, and I appreciate all the kind words and feedback about the things I've had to say. I know my blogging rate slowed down, but you all stayed around and that encourages me to continue in 2012.

I have also had an amazing year at work. I don't often speak of my employer, for obvious public-blog-legal-issues reasons, but I have to say that I love my workplace. Lots of changes to my immediate work group this year, including my own position/promotion, and any kinks in the changes have seemed to work themselves out. My employer has afforded me a ton of professional growth this year, and I am extremely grateful for that and the overall wonderful treatment of their employees. The commute still sucks, but that's not their fault :)

My relationship with my family continues to grow stronger. It's amazing how we get over those tumultuous early years of teenage drama and sibling rivalry. My sister-in-law mentioned that she couldnt imagine Able-Bodied Brother and I not getting along. On one hand, OOOHHH the stories... on the other hand, he is truly one of my favorite people on the planet and I'm starting to tear up here thinking about how cool he is and how fun it is to, every time we get together, bond more and more. Gah he's awesome!
Same with my parents. Dad and I were always close, but that relationship is more and more tangible every time I see him or speak to him. And after fighting it most of my teenage years, I am finally grateful for all of the ways in which I am my mother's daughter (Reppucci, you bastard!). I am so happy to see them fulfilled and loving their retired life - though I ought to call it semi-retired since they both now have jobs and are far busier than ever!

Able-Bodied Boy treats me like a queen and I ask myself every day what I ever did in my life to deserve his love and devotion. Our opposing perspectives on just about everything had been something I struggled with but have seriously begun to embrace and value. He has taught me so much about patience and acceptance, and has truly made me a better human being.

One of the awesomest things to happen this year has been new friends. My skydiving buddies from last year, who were virtual strangers at the time - having only met them once at a comping event - have turned out to be the most supportive girlfriends and I am so grateful to have found people I can relate to. Able-Bodied Boy and I have also become friends with our neighbors! Seriously, the walk-down-the-street-for-dinner sort of thing. The drop-by-and-check-on-my-animals thing. The I-don't-hate-living-in-the-middle-of-nowhere-quite-as-much thing. It has been an amzing few months getting to know them and Able-Bodied Boy and I look forward to that growing relationship. Neighbor-friends... amazing!

So, what shall the New Year bring? Well, for one, it better bring me some damn solid foods soon! I don't thing I'm going to have resolutions, per se. The 30lb goal was, well, too high a bar and, while I think I did pretty well at most of it, I know I'm far less ambitious that I wish I was.
>>More food preservation. Always a struggle due to Able-Bodied Boy's 3-week departure mid-summer, but he has some things he wants and we WILL work together for all of our canning goals (right dear??).
>>More cycling. Finding the in-the-moment motivation to get into the cycling clothes and on the road is sometimes tough, but man, I do love getting out there. As long as no one plans to get married that weekend, I'm definitely trying for the 75m Bike To The Bay this year, maybe even the 100m. No clue how many miles I put in last year, but I think I'll track this year and see if I can reach the 1000 mile mark.
>>More organization. I can be very type-A, and I can find plenty of outlets for that in the home.
>>More friends. I can't wait to spend more time with friends, new and old, this year. Especially if they agree to play some of the fun games Boy got me for my birthday and Christmas this year :)

And here's what I'm looking forward to in 2012...
>>More sushi days! January is booked. February guest list is being finalized. And I'm hoping to lure more friends that we don't see often enough with my fabulous sushi. (Sounds like a blog post to me:))
>>Bridesmaid! My dear childhood friend is getting married, and I've been honored to be asked to be in her wedding party. We met in first grade as neighbors, have kept in touch ever since, and now enjoy annual camping trips together with our significant others. Can't wait to spend her day with her in the Poconos!
>>Work! Ok, I know that sounds wierd. But I have so many exciting (self-imposed) goals for myself in 2012, and I just can't wait to get to it all!
>>Blogging! I think I need to schedule it into my week, which is pretty feasible. I just need to git'er'dun. So much more I want to share with you!
>>Solid foods! For the love of god, I'm starving....

What are you looking forward to this year? What made 2011 good/bad and what would you like to see change?

Much Love,
Able-Bodied Girl


  

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

juggling

I love wintertime. I miss wintertime. There is so much less go-go-go that makes my head spin and my arms ache from all the ball juggling.

In no particular order...

Ball #1: eating habits
Ball #2: workout habits
Ball #3: cycling training
Ball #4: blogging
Ball #5: chicken anticipation
Ball #6: dog anticipation
Ball #7: CSA anticipation
Ball #8: misc doctor's appointments
Ball #9: dishes (I feel guilty if Able-Bodied Boy does mine)
Ball #10: crap I don't have time to run to the next state to buy
Ball #11: family time
Ball #12: personal time
Ball #13: Able-Bodied Boy time
Ball #14: family reunion anticipation
Ball #15: finding a new dentist
Ball #16: keeping FSA/healthcare funds straight
Ball #17: laundry
Ball #18: those herb seeds I keep meaning to plant
Ball #19: that basket that still needs a coat of something protective
Ball #20: don't forget to water all those plants you recently potted!!
Ball #21: several seasons behind in Doctor Who and Torchwood
Ball #22: Boy's attempt to get me to watch every original Star Trek episode
Ball #23: the other netflix sitting there
Ball #24: reading
Ball #25: trimming bushes
Ball #26: raking up the grass for the garden
Ball #27: sanity
...
you get the point.

To be honest, I was never very good at juggling. 3 balls for a couple of rounds and then they went plop plop plop on the ground...
You may have heard those sounds a bunch in the last couple weeks as #1 and #2 went tumbling.

But hell, I know I'm not superwoman. I know we can dream big and not quite make it and not feel like a failure. I know that I will pick up what's dropped as soon as I can. Priorities will change. Balances will adjust themselves. Life will move on.

Yes ball, I see you lying there. I'll get to you soon...

I guess it'd be rhetorical to ask if anyone else agreed that there is just never enough time?

Much Love,
Able-Bodied Girl


  

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

eating my own words, nom-nom-nom

Life is all about choices, eh? Life is full of change?

Well, I'm sick of them.  Done. Packing up. No more. Give me a good coma and let me be.

I feel pulled in a million directions. I feel like an awkward teenager. I feel misunderstood and misguided. I feel selfish. I feel dumb and too smart for my own good. I feel capable of doing everything and incapable of doing anything. I'm strong and weak, busy and idle, restrained and liberated. I feel overwhelmed by it all, tangled up in too much, surrounded by life-clutter that no amount of type-A anal-retentivity can begin to sweep up.

I am clearly not living up to the person I want to be, so I either have to shape up or lower my personal standards. Spring fever is burning me, I guess :)

What's got you tangled up these days?

Much Love,
Able-Bodied Girl


  

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

the lesson of the day

It has been quite a few weeks of changes and choices and priorities. They all bring to mind the ever-following baggage in our lives - those things that seem to be quite important to us, but on close examination are completely irrelevant to the issue at hand.

So today's lesson I am supposed to be learning is Letting Go. As I face all these challenges, beginning to panic and doubt and bemoan it all, it becomes easier to let the baggage in and crowd the conversation. Excuses, all of them. I am a hoarder of my emotional investments, clinging to the idea that one more moment here is more important than my growth. Wraithraider aptly pointed this out to me today, and I'm grateful for the perspective.

Moving on is hard. We have invested our hearts and souls and time and tears and blood. A piece of our self has been left. Why wouldn't we want to take it all with us? Take it into the next relationship, the next step in our personal growth, in our career path, a new home, the next great adventure with everything we own on our backs...

I have a dear friend who over-packed for her time away from home. Seriously over-packed. Knowing full well that half of what she brings could be fully provided her - or obtained if the need arose - she still insisted on bringing umbrellas and blow dryers and curling irons and twice as many shirts as necessary (just in case... as if we don't have a laundry room...). She brought pillows and empty bags and hangers and alarm clocks and jewelry boxes and first aid supplies. She came with apologies about the four suitcases, and was endearing in her desire to be unobtrusive in her needs. She also realized that she was an over-packer, but said she couldn't help it.

I asked her to try something. After that particular visit, she was to go home and, as she unpacked, she should set aside every item that she brought and did not use. And then as she put those items away, think about how she could have managed if she hadn't brought it. She and I spoke about it later, and she seemed to enjoy the exercise. And for her next visit, there were only three suitcases.

I took my own advice, and managed to survive three months abroad with just one duffel bag and one backpack.

However, I am decidedly not using that advice this week. I'm clinging to the past like a bad prom date - as if the pieces and bits and heart and tears I've spent will turn to dust if I walk away; as if it would be the end of the world if they did.

My end is someone else's beginning, and what I take forward is lesson.

*deep breath*   Walking away now...


Have something you need to let go of? Hold my hand and we'll help each other along...

Much Love,
Able-Bodied Girl

Friday, February 4, 2011

that other big ch- word

chap-stick? no...

chimera? no...

oh yeah, change.

It's funny how capable I always think I am of handling it. I see it coming and try to flow through it rather than bracing myself for the impact. I tell others just how fine everything is going to be. I recall all the changes that I've gone through myself, and see how life has managed to move on.

And then I cry. A lot.

I cried for part of the long ride home tonight. Just after a long hug and a fond farewell to Awesome Boss Lady (yes, you have your own moniker now :). She's moving on to bigger and better things for herself, having left our team better for it. And our company for that matter.

When I found out, it was all "OK! We can do this! I'm happy for her and we will all survive the transition! Yay change is hard but good!" But by the time this week rolled around, it was harder and harder to face the fact that such an integral part of our daily lives was going to be gone. I panicked, slightly. Maybe a bit more than slightly.

That's the thing about change, at least for me. No matter how hard I try to prepare myself, it always seems to slap me around.

Two months ago, the biggest little change in the world happened to me. One of those non-moments that will - quite literally - forever change me and my world. It's upended every priority, every notion of self I had. Not in a bad way, but that's the thing about change... it doesn't have to be bad to still be hard.

Which only makes life more tumultuous these days. I face a multitude of changes, choices, and life-altering happenstances that need to be addressed, well, now. Even if the choice is to put off the choice, or the change is to not change. They are all clawing at the back of my brain. And even though I saw them coming many months ago and tried to prepare myself, this big non-event has altered how I look at everything.

So what now? I'll try to sort out my head through the weekend, walk into work on Monday and maybe feel a little anxiety about it and just plow through. And in another few weeks, another version of normal will be, well, normal.

Face it. Plan ahead. Panic slightly. CRY. Panic slightly. Move on.


What about you? How do you handle change?

Much Love,
Able-Bodied Girl


ps. i refuse to do the cliched "ch-ch-ch changes" thing

pps. crap, i just did.