Bob Wheeler passed away suddenly on Thursday. I never met him, but he was one of those people you just knew was making a difference out in the world. Smart and strong and inspirational. A community is in mourning.
I've been thinking a lot, even before this, about those in my life. Friends. Family. Old and new.
But mainly, those I've lost touch with. The once-besties, now facebook friends. Those I used to share every aspect of my daily life. Then slowly it was weekly re-caps. Then a phone call every now and then. When there is too much time between, when everything is blurred into boring consistency and there is nothing to say. You "like" a post. Maybe reference an old memory. But otherwise, they are gone.
I do this. I make this happen. I am responsible. I fail to keep up. I fail to reach out. I let you slip away.
Even now, my friends know this. They text or call now and then to make sure I'm alive. Because unless I have a reason... plans or parties or questions about something... I don't keep up. I don't ask.
And I do the same with family. Particularly extended family. I intend to be better. I want to call. To make those connections stronger. But I don't. Life gets in the way. Work stress. To-do lists. Relaxation. None of them include just a simple phone call to someone I care about.
I am not proud of this. I know how to fix it. (Pick up the phone, stupid.) I even see how I do it.
For the most part, I guage friendship on the Daily. The Daily is the sense we have of each other's daily life. At any given moment, where would you be? What would you be thinking about? What are your concerns for the day? Where do you work, live, shop? Who do you interact with?
I had a friend in college. I would have considered him my best friend, had I had any sort of Daily for him. But he was a free spirit. No sleep cycle. No specific circle of friends. I never had any sense of him, beyond my own interactions with him.
For some reason, having a Daily for a friend is important to me. Makes me feel connected and close. But I think it also destroys my friendships when the Daily deteriorates. Maybe there is little else to stand on - either because there just isn't, or because I haven't made the effort to push beyond.
Some of my friendships were never that way. They were casual and close, or deep connections without the need for daily maintenance. Never intending to become intense friendships, never being built up to have me disappoint them. But there were all too many that crashed and burned, that went by the wayside because I didn't know how to carry them into another part of my life.
So, to Kris and Brigette and Michael and Jennifer and Jeannette and David and Sarah and Erin and Nancy and Callie and Larry and Alicia and Jen and Moriah and Beth and Johnny and Jacqui and Annette and Stacie and the countless others... I am sorry. I am sorry for my failures. I am sorry to have left you. I am sorry if I ever do in the future. You are kind souls, spirited women, brave men, intelligent creatures, and wonderfully flawed human beings that deserve the devotion of a good friend, through thick and thin, boring and dramatic.
I don't feel worthy. And yet I can imagine that the joys of friendship could be more than I expect if I only made the effort. I may get there yet.
This blog is about choices. The choices we make. For too long I've made the choice to watch good people walk away. I'm not saying that it stops now. I'm not saying I will change overnight, spend 3 hours a week calling friends and family to catch up. I have no specific goal to achieve.
But I am calling attention to this. Calling myself out, publicly. Bringing this to mindfulness. And maybe turn this Able-Hearted Girl into one worthy of being your loved one.
Much Love,
Able-Bodied Girl
Showing posts with label the choices we make. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the choices we make. Show all posts
Friday, June 29, 2012
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
2012 csa selection
Well, I talked quite a bit about the CSA we had last year. We shared with Purple Monkey and family, and had a pretty good experience overall with Red Hill Farm. But coming into the 2012 season, we re-evaluated and wanted to look into all of our options.
First, the pros and cons of Red Hill Farm for a second season
One was Calvert Farm, a Maryland-based farm that distributes a great deal of produce throughout the region. They are based near my former hometown, and will deliver to a location 10 minutes south of work along one of my routes home. So, it would be pre-boxed and waiting for me at a local store. The pick-up time window was fairly narrow, and based on it's proximity to my workplace I would have most of the responsibility for pick-up. Their website didn't mention organic and, after talking to Barnhenge Mama, it was clear they were not organic and do source some of their farm goods from off-site. They do not offer half-shares.
The other was Adi Farms. This farm is located about 30 minutes from our house, out of the way to both home and our workplaces. The pick-up hours, however, are such that either Able-Bodied Boy or I could make the trip out after work, without much issue. It's certified organic, has a great variety of produce, and does not do pick-your-own. They also (from looking at their updated website) sell organic chicken. They have half-shares, but the "half" means half the growing season, not half the quantity. I spoke with one of the farmers, Joseph, earlier this year, and I liked my impressions from the phone call.
Ultimately, we have decided to go with Adi Farms. The only downsides we can see are the full share and the distance out of our way. But with a long pick-up window that fits perfectly with our schedule and a willingness to get creative with abundant weeks, we agreed it was very feasible. I have also considered making it a partial cycling trip too; at 20 miles there and 20 miles back, I could possibly ride the 40 miles after work, with a backpack/basket of veggies and night gear on the way back. That actually really excites me :)
Are you using a CSA or farm delivery this year? How did you choose yours?
Much Love,
Able-Bodied Girl
First, the pros and cons of Red Hill Farm for a second season
PRO: organic (uncertified)Based on these factors, we decided that it was worth looking into other options.
CON: some of their products are less appealing (flowers, handful of berries) or unavailable (our corn share was cancelled)
PRO: offers other farm products, like dairy and meats
CON: quite a bit of Pick-Your-Own in the heat of the summer
PRO: friendly atmosphere, with engaging farmers
CON: 40 minutes from hom (ie I'm solely responsible for weekly pickups and pick-your own)
PRO: 5 minutes from work, so pick-ups could be during lunch
CON: Purple Monkey & family no longer interested in sharing
PRO: offers half-shares if we thought full-shares were too much
One was Calvert Farm, a Maryland-based farm that distributes a great deal of produce throughout the region. They are based near my former hometown, and will deliver to a location 10 minutes south of work along one of my routes home. So, it would be pre-boxed and waiting for me at a local store. The pick-up time window was fairly narrow, and based on it's proximity to my workplace I would have most of the responsibility for pick-up. Their website didn't mention organic and, after talking to Barnhenge Mama, it was clear they were not organic and do source some of their farm goods from off-site. They do not offer half-shares.
The other was Adi Farms. This farm is located about 30 minutes from our house, out of the way to both home and our workplaces. The pick-up hours, however, are such that either Able-Bodied Boy or I could make the trip out after work, without much issue. It's certified organic, has a great variety of produce, and does not do pick-your-own. They also (from looking at their updated website) sell organic chicken. They have half-shares, but the "half" means half the growing season, not half the quantity. I spoke with one of the farmers, Joseph, earlier this year, and I liked my impressions from the phone call.
Ultimately, we have decided to go with Adi Farms. The only downsides we can see are the full share and the distance out of our way. But with a long pick-up window that fits perfectly with our schedule and a willingness to get creative with abundant weeks, we agreed it was very feasible. I have also considered making it a partial cycling trip too; at 20 miles there and 20 miles back, I could possibly ride the 40 miles after work, with a backpack/basket of veggies and night gear on the way back. That actually really excites me :)
Are you using a CSA or farm delivery this year? How did you choose yours?
Much Love,
Able-Bodied Girl
Thursday, January 12, 2012
consumerism at its....
... not best... not worst... just, at itself...
I've been a total consumerist this holiday season and it's been driving me a bit nuts. Ok, maybe not total, but at least more than usual.
I'm sitting here on a new tablet, all shiney and new and Made in China (by oppressed workers, I'm sure) and made with precious metals purchased from African tyrants.
But it's a really really awesome replacement for my dead laptop (which did, by the way, get a ressurection through some upgrades a couple of years ago). And I realy needed it. How else am I going to avoid real human contact by just browsing Facebook updates and downloading apps? My laptop couldn't do anything important, like output Hulu to the TV so I could sew while half-listening.
My dead laptop, which will probably now join the millions of tons of other worthless electronics that gather in toxic graveyards.
You see why I'm a bit twitchy. This is how my brain works.
I drove around last night buying things from stores that were not organic, local, eco-friendly, or sustainably-made. I didn't even think about any of that before driving around after work.
I didn't think to look where the Dole fruit cups were made/shipped from/made of before buying a dozen after my surgery. Oooooh a Sale! Must Buy! (China, the Phillippeans, Mexico... #5 plastic - not recyclable here - with a celophane top).
But little things like that drive me nuts afterwards. And I guess that's a good thing. I mean, I'd rather be conscious and trying and failing than ignorant and not trying at all.
I want to live my life in the cycle of life. Not just consume and dispose and only think of the one moment that the item I bought is in my life. I want it all to fit together, the way that nature does in and of itself. I want to know that the inputs and the outputs aren't just ellipses in my life; they should be knowns that don't make me cringe.
Think about antiques. Old, well-built stuff that has lasted, what, 50+ 100+ years? Things that have purpose, both functional and decorative. In 50 years, will we have antiques? Or just old crappy iPhones to laugh at?
That's my rant. I'm going to go consume some unrenewable energy and encourage child labor now.
Anything pissing you off lately? Make any resolutions about them?
Much Love,
Able-Bodied Girl
I've been a total consumerist this holiday season and it's been driving me a bit nuts. Ok, maybe not total, but at least more than usual.
I'm sitting here on a new tablet, all shiney and new and Made in China (by oppressed workers, I'm sure) and made with precious metals purchased from African tyrants.
But it's a really really awesome replacement for my dead laptop (which did, by the way, get a ressurection through some upgrades a couple of years ago). And I realy needed it. How else am I going to avoid real human contact by just browsing Facebook updates and downloading apps? My laptop couldn't do anything important, like output Hulu to the TV so I could sew while half-listening.
My dead laptop, which will probably now join the millions of tons of other worthless electronics that gather in toxic graveyards.
You see why I'm a bit twitchy. This is how my brain works.
I drove around last night buying things from stores that were not organic, local, eco-friendly, or sustainably-made. I didn't even think about any of that before driving around after work.
I didn't think to look where the Dole fruit cups were made/shipped from/made of before buying a dozen after my surgery. Oooooh a Sale! Must Buy! (China, the Phillippeans, Mexico... #5 plastic - not recyclable here - with a celophane top).
But little things like that drive me nuts afterwards. And I guess that's a good thing. I mean, I'd rather be conscious and trying and failing than ignorant and not trying at all.
I want to live my life in the cycle of life. Not just consume and dispose and only think of the one moment that the item I bought is in my life. I want it all to fit together, the way that nature does in and of itself. I want to know that the inputs and the outputs aren't just ellipses in my life; they should be knowns that don't make me cringe.
Think about antiques. Old, well-built stuff that has lasted, what, 50+ 100+ years? Things that have purpose, both functional and decorative. In 50 years, will we have antiques? Or just old crappy iPhones to laugh at?
That's my rant. I'm going to go consume some unrenewable energy and encourage child labor now.
Anything pissing you off lately? Make any resolutions about them?
Much Love,
Able-Bodied Girl
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
on not, need, want and do...
I keep thinking about all the things I'm NOT doing, NEED to be doing, WANTing to do.
I ought to focus on what I AM doing.
I tell myself about NEEDs more often than I should, but I've been catching myself. I pick something up at Target, "ooooooh I need this!" then stop myself and ask about that need. Is it real? Perceived? How long have I gone without that thing? Could I reasonably go without it? Is there something we have that I could use as an alternative? Do I really even have the money to buy it, or the justification to ask Able-Bodied Boy to purchase it for me? 90% of the time, it goes back on the shelf.
We're in the middle of a heat wave and it makes going outside a miserable experience for me. For Bella too, so I've been trying to busy myself around the house.
Able-Bodied Boy voted that my next project should be labeling cleaning supplies with their alternative replacements. So as we run out of one thing, we can make up a batch of the new stuff. I'm excited that he's on board with that concept, so that will be the next thing I tackle. Maybe the next w/mo2h series...
I have been crunching those abs regularly. I have not, however been cycling. I'll update about why not here pretty soon.
Bella will soon be part of an awesome program that helps rescue owners who are struggling with behavioral issues. It's cheaper than normal one-on-one, in-home training, but with 3 hours of personal training and a ton of phone/email support. So maybe by July we can have friends over without worrying about how she's going to react.
Able-Bodied Boy has a ton of travel and vacations this summer. Having been with his company since they invented electricity, he gets more than double the vacation time I do, so off he goes for 3 weeks of camping. I have on occasion joined and enjoyed. This year is debatable. Bella wouldn't be allowed, I'd be out in the heat, and well... it's a lot of late nights and drinking and somehow that isn't as appealing as it was before. We'll see. I usually spend his time away working on a project; this year will be the cleaning supplies and the game room downstairs. It woefully needs a clean-out; it's more of a dungeon right now and while that makes for fun ambiance it also makes for a stale smell and big spiders that creep up on us while we're down there :-P
Gotta focus on the DO. Not on all the other stuff I'm not doing or wanting to do or convinced I need to do.
Just do it?
How do you block out all the things you think you ought to be doing? How do you get yourself satisfied, living in the moment?
Much Love,
Able-Bodied Girl
I ought to focus on what I AM doing.
I tell myself about NEEDs more often than I should, but I've been catching myself. I pick something up at Target, "ooooooh I need this!" then stop myself and ask about that need. Is it real? Perceived? How long have I gone without that thing? Could I reasonably go without it? Is there something we have that I could use as an alternative? Do I really even have the money to buy it, or the justification to ask Able-Bodied Boy to purchase it for me? 90% of the time, it goes back on the shelf.
We're in the middle of a heat wave and it makes going outside a miserable experience for me. For Bella too, so I've been trying to busy myself around the house.
Able-Bodied Boy voted that my next project should be labeling cleaning supplies with their alternative replacements. So as we run out of one thing, we can make up a batch of the new stuff. I'm excited that he's on board with that concept, so that will be the next thing I tackle. Maybe the next w/mo2h series...
I have been crunching those abs regularly. I have not, however been cycling. I'll update about why not here pretty soon.
Bella will soon be part of an awesome program that helps rescue owners who are struggling with behavioral issues. It's cheaper than normal one-on-one, in-home training, but with 3 hours of personal training and a ton of phone/email support. So maybe by July we can have friends over without worrying about how she's going to react.
Able-Bodied Boy has a ton of travel and vacations this summer. Having been with his company since they invented electricity, he gets more than double the vacation time I do, so off he goes for 3 weeks of camping. I have on occasion joined and enjoyed. This year is debatable. Bella wouldn't be allowed, I'd be out in the heat, and well... it's a lot of late nights and drinking and somehow that isn't as appealing as it was before. We'll see. I usually spend his time away working on a project; this year will be the cleaning supplies and the game room downstairs. It woefully needs a clean-out; it's more of a dungeon right now and while that makes for fun ambiance it also makes for a stale smell and big spiders that creep up on us while we're down there :-P
Gotta focus on the DO. Not on all the other stuff I'm not doing or wanting to do or convinced I need to do.
Just do it?
How do you block out all the things you think you ought to be doing? How do you get yourself satisfied, living in the moment?
Much Love,
Able-Bodied Girl
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
juggling
I love wintertime. I miss wintertime. There is so much less go-go-go that makes my head spin and my arms ache from all the ball juggling.
In no particular order...
Ball #1: eating habits
Ball #2: workout habits
Ball #3: cycling training
Ball #4: blogging
Ball #5: chicken anticipation
Ball #6: dog anticipation
Ball #7: CSA anticipation
Ball #8: misc doctor's appointments
Ball #9: dishes (I feel guilty if Able-Bodied Boy does mine)
Ball #10: crap I don't have time to run to the next state to buy
Ball #11: family time
Ball #12: personal time
Ball #13: Able-Bodied Boy time
Ball #14: family reunion anticipation
Ball #15: finding a new dentist
Ball #16: keeping FSA/healthcare funds straight
Ball #17: laundry
Ball #18: those herb seeds I keep meaning to plant
Ball #19: that basket that still needs a coat of something protective
Ball #20: don't forget to water all those plants you recently potted!!
Ball #21: several seasons behind in Doctor Who and Torchwood
Ball #22: Boy's attempt to get me to watch every original Star Trek episode
Ball #23: the other netflix sitting there
Ball #24: reading
Ball #25: trimming bushes
Ball #26: raking up the grass for the garden
Ball #27: sanity
...
you get the point.
To be honest, I was never very good at juggling. 3 balls for a couple of rounds and then they went plop plop plop on the ground...
You may have heard those sounds a bunch in the last couple weeks as #1 and #2 went tumbling.
But hell, I know I'm not superwoman. I know we can dream big and not quite make it and not feel like a failure. I know that I will pick up what's dropped as soon as I can. Priorities will change. Balances will adjust themselves. Life will move on.
Yes ball, I see you lying there. I'll get to you soon...
I guess it'd be rhetorical to ask if anyone else agreed that there is just never enough time?
Much Love,
Able-Bodied Girl
In no particular order...
Ball #1: eating habits
Ball #2: workout habits
Ball #3: cycling training
Ball #4: blogging
Ball #5: chicken anticipation
Ball #6: dog anticipation
Ball #7: CSA anticipation
Ball #8: misc doctor's appointments
Ball #9: dishes (I feel guilty if Able-Bodied Boy does mine)
Ball #10: crap I don't have time to run to the next state to buy
Ball #11: family time
Ball #12: personal time
Ball #13: Able-Bodied Boy time
Ball #14: family reunion anticipation
Ball #15: finding a new dentist
Ball #16: keeping FSA/healthcare funds straight
Ball #17: laundry
Ball #18: those herb seeds I keep meaning to plant
Ball #19: that basket that still needs a coat of something protective
Ball #20: don't forget to water all those plants you recently potted!!
Ball #21: several seasons behind in Doctor Who and Torchwood
Ball #22: Boy's attempt to get me to watch every original Star Trek episode
Ball #23: the other netflix sitting there
Ball #24: reading
Ball #25: trimming bushes
Ball #26: raking up the grass for the garden
Ball #27: sanity
...
you get the point.
To be honest, I was never very good at juggling. 3 balls for a couple of rounds and then they went plop plop plop on the ground...
You may have heard those sounds a bunch in the last couple weeks as #1 and #2 went tumbling.
But hell, I know I'm not superwoman. I know we can dream big and not quite make it and not feel like a failure. I know that I will pick up what's dropped as soon as I can. Priorities will change. Balances will adjust themselves. Life will move on.
Yes ball, I see you lying there. I'll get to you soon...
I guess it'd be rhetorical to ask if anyone else agreed that there is just never enough time?
Much Love,
Able-Bodied Girl
Thursday, April 7, 2011
how to eat badly, aka lessons never learned
Hmmmm... I wonder why I feel like crap this week? Stumbled through DDR this morning, didn't have the energy to go to the grocery last night, have felt vaguely sad and disconnected this week...
Could it be all the over-eating? The poorly-planned and poorly thought-through meals out? The changes in plans that I used as an excuse to stop trying?
To those that say "Well, all of that is avoidable, isn't it? A little planning and thoughtfulness is all you need!"... well, fuck you. Thank you for making me feel like an idiot. For some people, the mentality and willpower and emotional ties to food are bigger hurdles. Chains that can't be broken easily, habits that persist.
Yes, I could have asked the waiter how the soup was made; it sounded healthy, but came rich and decadent and too tasty to resist. Yes, I could have saved the leftovers for another meal, instead of eating it as a very large snack a couple of hours later. Yes, I could have called ahead to see if that take-out place with some great healthy options was lying on their website about being open; maybe then I would have had a back-up plan that didn't include the fast-food place next door. Yes, I could have paid attention to the nutrition information and not my cravings. Yes, I could have just had a small plate of something and used ice cold water to break my mouth of it's watering as I watched others eat after I had already had my well-portioned, well-balanced light dinner; but I didn't.
That's why I need to have a support person. Someone that can help remind me of my path, remind me of the choices, help me past the mental roadblocks. And most of all, someone who will understand that this might be harder than they realize and treat me gently when I get frustrated, and let me know that it's ok to not be perfect all the time.
Sadly, and obviously, mine was not around this week. So I flailed and failed. But that's ok. I have big plans coming :-D
How do you push past your more-obvious failings?
Much Love,
Able-Bodied Girl
Could it be all the over-eating? The poorly-planned and poorly thought-through meals out? The changes in plans that I used as an excuse to stop trying?
To those that say "Well, all of that is avoidable, isn't it? A little planning and thoughtfulness is all you need!"... well, fuck you. Thank you for making me feel like an idiot. For some people, the mentality and willpower and emotional ties to food are bigger hurdles. Chains that can't be broken easily, habits that persist.
Yes, I could have asked the waiter how the soup was made; it sounded healthy, but came rich and decadent and too tasty to resist. Yes, I could have saved the leftovers for another meal, instead of eating it as a very large snack a couple of hours later. Yes, I could have called ahead to see if that take-out place with some great healthy options was lying on their website about being open; maybe then I would have had a back-up plan that didn't include the fast-food place next door. Yes, I could have paid attention to the nutrition information and not my cravings. Yes, I could have just had a small plate of something and used ice cold water to break my mouth of it's watering as I watched others eat after I had already had my well-portioned, well-balanced light dinner; but I didn't.
That's why I need to have a support person. Someone that can help remind me of my path, remind me of the choices, help me past the mental roadblocks. And most of all, someone who will understand that this might be harder than they realize and treat me gently when I get frustrated, and let me know that it's ok to not be perfect all the time.
Sadly, and obviously, mine was not around this week. So I flailed and failed. But that's ok. I have big plans coming :-D
How do you push past your more-obvious failings?
Much Love,
Able-Bodied Girl
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
eating my own words, nom-nom-nom
Life is all about choices, eh? Life is full of change?
Well, I'm sick of them. Done. Packing up. No more. Give me a good coma and let me be.
I feel pulled in a million directions. I feel like an awkward teenager. I feel misunderstood and misguided. I feel selfish. I feel dumb and too smart for my own good. I feel capable of doing everything and incapable of doing anything. I'm strong and weak, busy and idle, restrained and liberated. I feel overwhelmed by it all, tangled up in too much, surrounded by life-clutter that no amount of type-A anal-retentivity can begin to sweep up.
I am clearly not living up to the person I want to be, so I either have to shape up or lower my personal standards. Spring fever is burning me, I guess :)
What's got you tangled up these days?
Much Love,
Able-Bodied Girl
Well, I'm sick of them. Done. Packing up. No more. Give me a good coma and let me be.
I feel pulled in a million directions. I feel like an awkward teenager. I feel misunderstood and misguided. I feel selfish. I feel dumb and too smart for my own good. I feel capable of doing everything and incapable of doing anything. I'm strong and weak, busy and idle, restrained and liberated. I feel overwhelmed by it all, tangled up in too much, surrounded by life-clutter that no amount of type-A anal-retentivity can begin to sweep up.
I am clearly not living up to the person I want to be, so I either have to shape up or lower my personal standards. Spring fever is burning me, I guess :)
What's got you tangled up these days?
Much Love,
Able-Bodied Girl
Friday, March 4, 2011
the commuting dilemna: time? money? happiness? environment?
I rarely like speaking about my job in this type of public forum, since it's accessible to my employers, but I'm going to this time. It is not a topic of concern that I've kept secret from anyone at work.
My daily commute is 62.9 miles, about 40 minutes each way if the route is delay-free.
Time: I hate being away from the house for so long each day. I leave at 7:30a and I don't get home until 5:45p; that's 10:15 away from home, during the sunlight hours. It means Able-Bodied Boy does a lot of the outdoor work after he gets home, before sunset in spring/fall, which I feel guilty about.
Money: I make money at work, but I spend hoards of that money on gas. It's a tank each week just for work, not including weekend excursions. That comes to about 10% of my take-home pay (after taxes, healthcare, and 401k contributions) for just traveling to/from work. More as gas prices rise...
By working so far from home, but with work being closer to many of my friends, I often have to make choices like these: do I spend time with my friends after work but spend money on dinner (don't forget that diet too!) and the extra gas to get around, or do I go home where dinner is cheaper and healthier?
Environment: I hate myself for driving so much, using precious fossil fuels which we so wantonly waste, which cause wars, which don't really break down into forms that are positive - or even neutral - to our environment, and which we finally seem to grasp are not infinitely available. I hate that we live so far away from civilization, making driving quite necessary. I would love to live in a place where I can walk to the grocery or the bar, bike to work and shops, and only drive when necessary.
Happiness: I really enjoy my job. Which is good because I don't have much of a choice about it; there are not really any other jobs near where I live. If I were to see a position I qualify for - whether within my company or with a different company - which was closer to home but with less job satisfaction, I would truly be torn.
All this comes up for two reasons. One, rising gas prices due to the turmoil in the Middle East. Two, it is entirely possible that my employer will have positions available closer to home this year. If I were to apply for and be accepted into one of them, it would save me about 6 miles each way but through very heavy traffic, so it may be a wash in terms of gas usage. So I'm not too sure that it would be a step in a positive direction, at least commute-wise.
There are no easy solutions to this mess of sometimes-conflicting priorities. Moving is not an option at this point. I don't see myself becoming rich and flippant about how I spend my money, nor do I see myself caring less about the environment or wanting less time for me and Able-Bodied Boy and the life we are making for ourselves. The only somewhat-solution would be a new company in a better location, but at the risk of my job satisfaction, and 40 hours a week of misery doesn't necessary sounds like a good option either.
At this point, I don't have much hope for progress, but do you have any solutions or considerations I haven't thought of?
Much Love,
Able-Bodied Girl
My daily commute is 62.9 miles, about 40 minutes each way if the route is delay-free.
My morning commute is 29.8 miles. This is the shorter and cheaper route to work. It has a moderate risk of traffic delays (traffic = higher mpgs and more headaches), but is overall the more efficient route. It also saves me $3-4 daily in tolls. Because of the possible delays, I leave home 10-15 minutes earlier than I should need to so I can always be at work on time; I have a pet peeve about being late.
My afternoon commute is 33.1 miles. This is the most trouble-free route home. It has a very low risk of traffic delays, although I do drive through one town with quite a few stoplights along the way; I avoid one other town's stoplights by using other highways. I do not take my morning route home because of the high risk of traffic delays.
Time: I hate being away from the house for so long each day. I leave at 7:30a and I don't get home until 5:45p; that's 10:15 away from home, during the sunlight hours. It means Able-Bodied Boy does a lot of the outdoor work after he gets home, before sunset in spring/fall, which I feel guilty about.
Money: I make money at work, but I spend hoards of that money on gas. It's a tank each week just for work, not including weekend excursions. That comes to about 10% of my take-home pay (after taxes, healthcare, and 401k contributions) for just traveling to/from work. More as gas prices rise...
By working so far from home, but with work being closer to many of my friends, I often have to make choices like these: do I spend time with my friends after work but spend money on dinner (don't forget that diet too!) and the extra gas to get around, or do I go home where dinner is cheaper and healthier?
Environment: I hate myself for driving so much, using precious fossil fuels which we so wantonly waste, which cause wars, which don't really break down into forms that are positive - or even neutral - to our environment, and which we finally seem to grasp are not infinitely available. I hate that we live so far away from civilization, making driving quite necessary. I would love to live in a place where I can walk to the grocery or the bar, bike to work and shops, and only drive when necessary.
Happiness: I really enjoy my job. Which is good because I don't have much of a choice about it; there are not really any other jobs near where I live. If I were to see a position I qualify for - whether within my company or with a different company - which was closer to home but with less job satisfaction, I would truly be torn.
All this comes up for two reasons. One, rising gas prices due to the turmoil in the Middle East. Two, it is entirely possible that my employer will have positions available closer to home this year. If I were to apply for and be accepted into one of them, it would save me about 6 miles each way but through very heavy traffic, so it may be a wash in terms of gas usage. So I'm not too sure that it would be a step in a positive direction, at least commute-wise.
There are no easy solutions to this mess of sometimes-conflicting priorities. Moving is not an option at this point. I don't see myself becoming rich and flippant about how I spend my money, nor do I see myself caring less about the environment or wanting less time for me and Able-Bodied Boy and the life we are making for ourselves. The only somewhat-solution would be a new company in a better location, but at the risk of my job satisfaction, and 40 hours a week of misery doesn't necessary sounds like a good option either.
At this point, I don't have much hope for progress, but do you have any solutions or considerations I haven't thought of?
Much Love,
Able-Bodied Girl
Sunday, February 27, 2011
mattress purchase update: the east coast organic mattress company
This has been a sustainable homesteading weekend, for sure. Yesterday we attended a class on backyard chicken operations, in preparation for the long-discussed egg layers we want. (More on that later!) The class was an hour from home, and I figured since we were already so far from home, we might as well detour another hour to one of the only eco-friendly mattress stores in our region, The East Coast Organic Mattress Company.
Now, it must be said that we got a little bit of flack for this. We were called hippies by one friend, and got blank stares from others. Able-Bodied Boy got the obligatory pats on the back in sympathy. "Seriously?!!?! Organic mattresses? Dude, have fun with that."
Really people? I honestly don't understand how this can be so weird. You opt to buy the organic veggies in the market sometimes, right? The organic dairy products? And they aren't all that different from their regular counterparts; they don't taste extraordinarily different, or have different textures. They are a little more expensive, but are conveniently located next to their counterparts, and sometimes you decide it's worth it. You might even drive over to the natural foods store to buy more products like it.
It's the same with mattresses, I suppose. The end result is that you get a bed that is comfortable, feels the best for your body type and sleep patterns. You might pay a bit more, but you have decided it's worth it.
That being said, to be honest, I think Able-Bodied Boy and I were both a little skeptical about going to a store specializing in organic mattresses. I mean, what makes a mattress organic, and can the types of materials they use compare to standard materials, and what about the durability, or the variation in firmness? I had hopes that they would be worthy of the long trip, but felt a bit of everyone else's skepticism. What if it was all just lumpy organic-wool futon pads on top of sustainably-forested wood, sold by rabid hippies that smelled vaguely of patchouli? Eeee gads!
We were oh-so-pleasantly surprised! Leona, the owner, patiently led us to each bed, explained the materials, the density of the mattresses, waited for us to comment and ask questions, and even brought me a selection of organic pillows when I mentioned noticing they had quite a variety on all their beds. Anecdotally, they sounded very durable and worthy of consideration.
And the beds, oh they were so comfortable! Some were soft and quilty, some were very very firm. They had toppers and pads and multiple layers of different densities and they could even make each side different if you had two different sleep needs. They had foam mattresses and spring mattresses and a variety of foundations to match each mattress. Each mattress used a different combination of materials, but all organic (or we-can't-afford-the-certification-but-really-are-quite organic) and/or sustainably-sourced.
I won't detail all of their materials, how they are sourced, how they are made and put together, or even which ones we liked. A mattress purchase is personal, and I'm sure you'll learn everything you want/need to when it comes time.
But I have to say I was really extraordinarily impressed with the East Coast Organic Mattress Store, and Leona. No stinky mattress fumes, and no patchouli :) We will definitely be considering our favorites from their store as we continue our search and decide which sort of mattress is best for us.
Have you ever gotten those skeptical looks before when you decide to try something a little outside the box? Was it worth it?
Much Love,
Able-Bodied Girl
Now, it must be said that we got a little bit of flack for this. We were called hippies by one friend, and got blank stares from others. Able-Bodied Boy got the obligatory pats on the back in sympathy. "Seriously?!!?! Organic mattresses? Dude, have fun with that."
Really people? I honestly don't understand how this can be so weird. You opt to buy the organic veggies in the market sometimes, right? The organic dairy products? And they aren't all that different from their regular counterparts; they don't taste extraordinarily different, or have different textures. They are a little more expensive, but are conveniently located next to their counterparts, and sometimes you decide it's worth it. You might even drive over to the natural foods store to buy more products like it.
It's the same with mattresses, I suppose. The end result is that you get a bed that is comfortable, feels the best for your body type and sleep patterns. You might pay a bit more, but you have decided it's worth it.
That being said, to be honest, I think Able-Bodied Boy and I were both a little skeptical about going to a store specializing in organic mattresses. I mean, what makes a mattress organic, and can the types of materials they use compare to standard materials, and what about the durability, or the variation in firmness? I had hopes that they would be worthy of the long trip, but felt a bit of everyone else's skepticism. What if it was all just lumpy organic-wool futon pads on top of sustainably-forested wood, sold by rabid hippies that smelled vaguely of patchouli? Eeee gads!
We were oh-so-pleasantly surprised! Leona, the owner, patiently led us to each bed, explained the materials, the density of the mattresses, waited for us to comment and ask questions, and even brought me a selection of organic pillows when I mentioned noticing they had quite a variety on all their beds. Anecdotally, they sounded very durable and worthy of consideration.
And the beds, oh they were so comfortable! Some were soft and quilty, some were very very firm. They had toppers and pads and multiple layers of different densities and they could even make each side different if you had two different sleep needs. They had foam mattresses and spring mattresses and a variety of foundations to match each mattress. Each mattress used a different combination of materials, but all organic (or we-can't-afford-the-certification-but-really-are-quite organic) and/or sustainably-sourced.
I won't detail all of their materials, how they are sourced, how they are made and put together, or even which ones we liked. A mattress purchase is personal, and I'm sure you'll learn everything you want/need to when it comes time.
 |
| photo from the East Coast Organic Mattress Store website |
Have you ever gotten those skeptical looks before when you decide to try something a little outside the box? Was it worth it?
Much Love,
Able-Bodied Girl
Saturday, February 5, 2011
compromise and eco-comfort
I mentioned earlier that Able-Bodied Boyfriend and I were in the process of looking for a new mattress.
When he first brought it up, my mind immediately went to all the "bad" things I've heard about mattresses. Unsustainable, rainforest-killing latex procurement; the use and off-gassing of petrochemicals; toxic fire retardants; concerns about the effects of these materials being put into landfills. I expressed these concerns.
Of course, I have a terrible memory for details, so I expressed these concerns poorly. Very, very poorly. "Ewwww, a regular mattress? They're, ummm, bad. They can give you cancer!! Can we get an eco-mattress? They're better! Because they're, um, green."
Funny enough, a couple days later, arduous blog posted about trying to find a green mattress in their area. I took it as a sign; if I can actually get my act together, we should try to find one of our own.
Now, Able-Bodied Boyfriend and I are mostly, well, complete opposites. We handle things and make decisions in different ways, and not always in ways that are complementary. You have to choose your battles, so we mostly end up doing the divide & conquer thing or at least let one person take the lead on any given project.
He's a researcher. He can sit for hours on end, browsing and reading everything on a given product or topic. After sitting all day at work in front of computer, I'm more of a skim-a-few-of-the-most-popular-articles sort of person. And since the mattress was his idea, he has definitely taken the lead on researching and figuring out what we need to do in order to make this decision.
He wants something comfortable and durable/long-lasting. I want something eco-friendly, or at least not overtly eco-unfriendly. I did a bit of research on the main points of concern (material sources, chemicals used, how easily they break down/off-gas, and if the main materials used will decompose easily and without toxicity), and asked Able-Bodied Boyfriend to add that to his research. We're also looking for mattress recycling programs, both through the manufacturers and other organizations.
It was a bit of a struggle at first. He was concerned about comfort and durability, and even availability. I did some research and found some eco-friendly mattress stores in the region that are less than 2 hours away, which we plan to go to for some additional mattress-testing. Every time we spoke, he had done more research and seemed more open to them, but less optimistic that we'd be able to find one that was comfortable and durable. So we'll see...
My main fear, though, is just being ok with a regular old toxic mattress. Because I always have been ok with them, and because it's easy to let things like that into your life and never think about it again. Sure, the first few stinky weeks would bother me, but annoyances fade and you get used to the smell and feel of the purchase and it becomes another thing faded into the background of your life.
That's not to say that I would be in green heaven all the time if it were a greener mattress - ok, maybe the first few weeks I'd grin from ear-to-ear every night, nudging Able-Bodied Boyfriend with a "hey, this make me feel good about our part in this world" - but after a while, it would become normalized.
Question is, which will it be? A normal life of the toxins we let in? Or a normal life of eco-logical/-nomical decisions?
I'll keep you posted.
Much Love,
Able-Bodied Girl
When he first brought it up, my mind immediately went to all the "bad" things I've heard about mattresses. Unsustainable, rainforest-killing latex procurement; the use and off-gassing of petrochemicals; toxic fire retardants; concerns about the effects of these materials being put into landfills. I expressed these concerns.
Of course, I have a terrible memory for details, so I expressed these concerns poorly. Very, very poorly. "Ewwww, a regular mattress? They're, ummm, bad. They can give you cancer!! Can we get an eco-mattress? They're better! Because they're, um, green."
Funny enough, a couple days later, arduous blog posted about trying to find a green mattress in their area. I took it as a sign; if I can actually get my act together, we should try to find one of our own.
Now, Able-Bodied Boyfriend and I are mostly, well, complete opposites. We handle things and make decisions in different ways, and not always in ways that are complementary. You have to choose your battles, so we mostly end up doing the divide & conquer thing or at least let one person take the lead on any given project.
He's a researcher. He can sit for hours on end, browsing and reading everything on a given product or topic. After sitting all day at work in front of computer, I'm more of a skim-a-few-of-the-most-popular-articles sort of person. And since the mattress was his idea, he has definitely taken the lead on researching and figuring out what we need to do in order to make this decision.
He wants something comfortable and durable/long-lasting. I want something eco-friendly, or at least not overtly eco-unfriendly. I did a bit of research on the main points of concern (material sources, chemicals used, how easily they break down/off-gas, and if the main materials used will decompose easily and without toxicity), and asked Able-Bodied Boyfriend to add that to his research. We're also looking for mattress recycling programs, both through the manufacturers and other organizations.
It was a bit of a struggle at first. He was concerned about comfort and durability, and even availability. I did some research and found some eco-friendly mattress stores in the region that are less than 2 hours away, which we plan to go to for some additional mattress-testing. Every time we spoke, he had done more research and seemed more open to them, but less optimistic that we'd be able to find one that was comfortable and durable. So we'll see...
My main fear, though, is just being ok with a regular old toxic mattress. Because I always have been ok with them, and because it's easy to let things like that into your life and never think about it again. Sure, the first few stinky weeks would bother me, but annoyances fade and you get used to the smell and feel of the purchase and it becomes another thing faded into the background of your life.
That's not to say that I would be in green heaven all the time if it were a greener mattress - ok, maybe the first few weeks I'd grin from ear-to-ear every night, nudging Able-Bodied Boyfriend with a "hey, this make me feel good about our part in this world" - but after a while, it would become normalized.
Question is, which will it be? A normal life of the toxins we let in? Or a normal life of eco-logical/-nomical decisions?
I'll keep you posted.
Much Love,
Able-Bodied Girl
Monday, January 24, 2011
how to have an un-green day
After writing yesterday's post (several days ago, mind you), I found myself feeling a bit defeated by life. Might have just been a mood, or some other personal things weighing me down, but sustainability suddenly felt more like a burden and a curse than a positive lifestyle to strive for.
My composting worms (aka, the wormies) got overwhelmed with Thanksgiving goodies, so I don't really give them anything these days, since they are thriving with what they have and we don't have the space to expand too much further. Before real composting occurred we used to just throw the food waste into the brush at the edge of the property...
So, I felt pretty defeated with every onion peel I casually tossed into the trash.
Rather than walking the extra 10 feet to grab a rag, I used paper towels to clean up every little mess in the kitchen. We don't compost these either, so into the trash they went...
Grocery purchases had HFCS or unpronounceable ingredients, things I normally check for and make consideration of before going to the check-out. We didn't even think to bring our reusable canvas bags. I wasn't bothered by it when I forgot to wash my non-organic vegetables. Lately, we've been turning up the heat because I've been cold.
Able-Bodied Boyfriend is talking about buying a new mattress set for us soon. I'm concerned about the materials used to make mattresses, and tried showing him some information. He's willing to entertain "eco-friendly" mattresses, but only if they're of good, lasting quality; this definition did not make organic or sustainably-produced products seem like a viable option for him. I'd sacrifice the durability for peace-of-mind, but this is not my decision alone. I nearly cried when we walked into the local mattress store, choking on the smell of the chemicals, feeling defeated again. If I can't express my views in a way that inspires him, how will I in any way show you that there are options worth considering? (There will definitely be more on the mattress purchase later...)
Time after time this weekend, I found myself wasting something that was preventable, not making those simple every-day choices that I have been able to make in the past. For one day I totally failed, and felt every failure as a scar on my not-earth-friendly-enough soul. Yes, yes, I'm being dramatic. Even Able-Bodied Boyfriend noticed and took his lunch in another room. But this isn't the person I want to be, dammit! I want to care and put forth the effort 24/7!
Maybe I need days like this to remind me how far I've come, and how far yet I have to go. Reminders of all the little choices that are becoming normal, that for one day were punted back in time to the days when I didn't care how much crap went to the landfill or what I put in/on my body. Reminders that I'm not perfect, and that not making these choices doesn't make me or anyone else imperfect or evil or a pawn of the establishment or some nonsense.
I'm also reminded of all the things I do now, that I don't even think about anymore. That I couldn't possibly not do because they're completely normal to me now. These are the things that are comforting on days like this.
Choices. They are what make us. Choose based on your priorities, on your needs, and on your vision of you and the life you want to lead. And every once in a while, it's ok to have an opposite day to remind yourself why you liked those decisions in the first place :)
Do you have bad days that turn out to be reminders of all that is good?
Much Love,
Able-Bodied Girl
My composting worms (aka, the wormies) got overwhelmed with Thanksgiving goodies, so I don't really give them anything these days, since they are thriving with what they have and we don't have the space to expand too much further. Before real composting occurred we used to just throw the food waste into the brush at the edge of the property...
So, I felt pretty defeated with every onion peel I casually tossed into the trash.
Rather than walking the extra 10 feet to grab a rag, I used paper towels to clean up every little mess in the kitchen. We don't compost these either, so into the trash they went...
Grocery purchases had HFCS or unpronounceable ingredients, things I normally check for and make consideration of before going to the check-out. We didn't even think to bring our reusable canvas bags. I wasn't bothered by it when I forgot to wash my non-organic vegetables. Lately, we've been turning up the heat because I've been cold.
Able-Bodied Boyfriend is talking about buying a new mattress set for us soon. I'm concerned about the materials used to make mattresses, and tried showing him some information. He's willing to entertain "eco-friendly" mattresses, but only if they're of good, lasting quality; this definition did not make organic or sustainably-produced products seem like a viable option for him. I'd sacrifice the durability for peace-of-mind, but this is not my decision alone. I nearly cried when we walked into the local mattress store, choking on the smell of the chemicals, feeling defeated again. If I can't express my views in a way that inspires him, how will I in any way show you that there are options worth considering? (There will definitely be more on the mattress purchase later...)
Time after time this weekend, I found myself wasting something that was preventable, not making those simple every-day choices that I have been able to make in the past. For one day I totally failed, and felt every failure as a scar on my not-earth-friendly-enough soul. Yes, yes, I'm being dramatic. Even Able-Bodied Boyfriend noticed and took his lunch in another room. But this isn't the person I want to be, dammit! I want to care and put forth the effort 24/7!
Maybe I need days like this to remind me how far I've come, and how far yet I have to go. Reminders of all the little choices that are becoming normal, that for one day were punted back in time to the days when I didn't care how much crap went to the landfill or what I put in/on my body. Reminders that I'm not perfect, and that not making these choices doesn't make me or anyone else imperfect or evil or a pawn of the establishment or some nonsense.
I'm also reminded of all the things I do now, that I don't even think about anymore. That I couldn't possibly not do because they're completely normal to me now. These are the things that are comforting on days like this.
Choices. They are what make us. Choose based on your priorities, on your needs, and on your vision of you and the life you want to lead. And every once in a while, it's ok to have an opposite day to remind yourself why you liked those decisions in the first place :)
Do you have bad days that turn out to be reminders of all that is good?
Much Love,
Able-Bodied Girl
Sunday, January 23, 2011
life amongst the pastures
Able-Bodied Mom & Dad live atop a rural country mountain now, in their retirement, with the self-reliance needed when 4-inches of snow and wind can create house-bound conditions (what a lovely holiday it was last month!). Dad mentioned that he suspects a bit of Amish in our blood, and I too feel the pull towards a simpler way of life. Growing raising sowing nurturing cycling through the seasons. Staying home to care for plants and animals and others and self.
But this just isn't feasible or practical at this point in our lives. I feel defeated saying that, but it is what it is, and we do try to add little bits of the earth back into our concrete lives.
These are the little things, the small choices, the habits we form when we can; the things that make us feel more connected to the earth, to our food, to our friends family and neighbors, and to each other.
Using our own two hands, we do what we can. Making foods from scratch, growing our favorite foods, keeping more out of the landfills, being conscious of the impact of our purchases - from the origin of source material to the disposal of the item.
I want to tell you all about these things: not about the choices we make, but the journey into those decisions.
What sparked me to stop using a clothes dryer, and how have we managed to keep up with that habit? Will we ever give up paper-towels for reusable cloth? Will we ever be able to make satisfying compost? How will our first CSA experience be this year? Will I ever convert our household to more natural cleaning products? Will we ever overcome the cold weather to trim back the old blackberry growth; will I ever overcome my "ugh" of the heat and truly commit to our vegetable garden? Can I be a No-Poo sort of girl? What new sorts of things can I put-up (canning)? When there is furniture to be bought, repairs to be made, vacations to be had, what sort of new information and consciousness can I bring to those activities to make them environmentally- and pocket-friendly? What about those chickens we keep talking about? Can I really make my own clothes? Will I ever find my green thumb (cuz even the houseplants cry when Able-Bodied Boyfriend leave town)?
These are the little things that make me feel like life is sustainable, that we use less, need less, and ask less of the world. They aren't for everyone and aren't intended to be. But maybe we can discuss the consideration, the process, and the information that leads to choice and change.
I want to ask: how does me, being me, affect the world?
How do you affect the world?
Much Love,
Able-Bodied Girl
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