Last night, I had this whole morning rose-colored and sunshine-y, anticipating the scale-surfing.
I feel great these days. I feel smaller, more flexible, stronger, more energetic, more capable. I have been cycling regularly, getting into a new routine of ab workouts, keeping myself organized and away from the chaos that I seem to wrap around myself at times. I have been positive, toward others and myself. I haven't been perfect, but I embrace myself and treat myself with the gentleness I deserve. I have sprung from the frost of late winter.
There was no way I could not have lost weight. Granted, I haven't been perfect; I've been so positive that I talk myself out of feeling bad about poor choices. But I've been moving steadily toward goals and good choices and trying to keep everything in balance, a delicate balance. And I feel great, so I must have lost weight.
When I stepped on the scale this morning for the first time in 5 weeks, the one pound gain really stung.
Am I being too positive? Too kind to myself? Have I allowed myself too much leniency, not enough tough love? Am I doing something wrong?
Being positive, my answer to all that is no. Being positive has not become a problem.
But, I do want to narrow my focus, now that I can see so much else is under control. I can manage to be better about choices. I can toughen up. I just need to make sure my motivation/tough love does so without tipping the scales so far that I start to resent my own self. Just move slightly away from the coddling of every misbehavior and strengthen my resolve, but still love and support my sometimes-fragile psyche.
I've been listening to My Soothing Mix station on Pandora today (Able-Bodied Sister-in-Law will remember their evening arrival before Thanksgiving, when our family lounged to this station for a drowsy and happy night as we caught up with one another). At times it's inspirational, sometimes sad. But it is music, and uplifts me and calms me.
I'm going to stay on this path of positive. But maybe just walk a little more firmly when necessary. My net loss is still at 7lbs - slightly off track for a 30lb goal, but not insurmountable considering all that I am capable of :)
How do you make adjustments to your path, without veering off in a new direction?
ps. all of this reminds me how much I miss the two girls who shall not be named. the two sweetest girls in the world, who treat themselves and everyone around them with care and respect and humility and grace and an ultimate balance of love for both the good and the not-so-good in the world. girls, i miss you more than ever and crave your inspiration often. love.