After writing yesterday's post (several days ago, mind you), I found myself feeling a bit defeated by life. Might have just been a mood, or some other personal things weighing me down, but sustainability suddenly felt more like a burden and a curse than a positive lifestyle to strive for.
My composting worms (aka, the wormies) got overwhelmed with Thanksgiving goodies, so I don't really give them anything these days, since they are thriving with what they have and we don't have the space to expand too much further. Before real composting occurred we used to just throw the food waste into the brush at the edge of the property...
So, I felt pretty defeated with every onion peel I casually tossed into the trash.
Rather than walking the extra 10 feet to grab a rag, I used paper towels to clean up every little mess in the kitchen. We don't compost these either, so into the trash they went...
Grocery purchases had HFCS or unpronounceable ingredients, things I normally check for and make consideration of before going to the check-out. We didn't even think to bring our reusable canvas bags. I wasn't bothered by it when I forgot to wash my non-organic vegetables. Lately, we've been turning up the heat because I've been cold.
Able-Bodied Boyfriend is talking about buying a new mattress set for us soon. I'm concerned about the materials used to make mattresses, and tried showing him some information. He's willing to entertain "eco-friendly" mattresses, but only if they're of good, lasting quality; this definition did not make organic or sustainably-produced products seem like a viable option for him. I'd sacrifice the durability for peace-of-mind, but this is not my decision alone. I nearly cried when we walked into the local mattress store, choking on the smell of the chemicals, feeling defeated again. If I can't express my views in a way that inspires him, how will I in any way show you that there are options worth considering? (There will definitely be more on the mattress purchase later...)
Time after time this weekend, I found myself wasting something that was preventable, not making those simple every-day choices that I have been able to make in the past. For one day I totally failed, and felt every failure as a scar on my not-earth-friendly-enough soul. Yes, yes, I'm being dramatic. Even Able-Bodied Boyfriend noticed and took his lunch in another room. But this isn't the person I want to be, dammit! I want to care and put forth the effort 24/7!
Maybe I need days like this to remind me how far I've come, and how far yet I have to go. Reminders of all the little choices that are becoming normal, that for one day were punted back in time to the days when I didn't care how much crap went to the landfill or what I put in/on my body. Reminders that I'm not perfect, and that not making these choices doesn't make me or anyone else imperfect or evil or a pawn of the establishment or some nonsense.
I'm also reminded of all the things I do now, that I don't even think about anymore. That I couldn't possibly not do because they're completely normal to me now. These are the things that are comforting on days like this.
Choices. They are what make us. Choose based on your priorities, on your needs, and on your vision of you and the life you want to lead. And every once in a while, it's ok to have an opposite day to remind yourself why you liked those decisions in the first place :)
Do you have bad days that turn out to be reminders of all that is good?